


Since when was coming out this hard?

by StupidChild



Series: Asanoya coming out [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Coming Out, Established Relationship, Gen, I‘m just a sucker for coming out fics, Light Angst, M/M, Self-Discovery, Tanaka Ryuunosuke is a Good Friend, They both end up crying, kinda OOC, like seriously there aren’t enough coming-out-fanfictions in this world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:00:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22756663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StupidChild/pseuds/StupidChild
Summary: Yuu never really cared what other people thought about him, random strangers whispering how he was loud and annoying or short and weak simply didn’t bother him. After all, they’re just people who don’t know him, who have no idea who he actually is and he didn’t know them either, but this wasn’t just anybody, this was Ryu.Tanaka Ryuunosuke his one and only best friend.So it shouldn’t have been a surprise for him that he found himself caring about Tanaka‘s opinion.It shouldn’t have been a surprise for him that he craved his approval.It shouldn’t have been a surprise for him that he absolutely dreaded his rejection.But in the end, it was. Suddenly, he did care about somebody else’s opinion, suddenly he was scared and he didn’t even know if the realization itself scared him or the possibility of Ryu hating him.They were both scary.Terrifying.He didn’t want his best friend in the world to hate him.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Nishinoya Yuu & Tanaka Ryuunosuke
Series: Asanoya coming out [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1656073
Comments: 21
Kudos: 154





	Since when was coming out this hard?

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place before nationals. 
> 
> If there are any mistakes feel free to tell me. My English may be better than my German (I‘m German lol), but usually I‘m tired and should be asleep while writing so yeah...
> 
> Also I briefly mentioned Noya being seventeen, his birthday is in November so he should be seventeen by the time this fic takes place? If that’s wrong then I’m sorry.

Yuu remembered that when he first realized he may have a crush on Azumane Asahi, he had been very conflicted.  
It was not like he hadn’t known that he was attracted to both boys and girls, but the fact he actually found himself crushing on another male made everything so much more real.  
After a while he came to the conclusion that he had nothing to be ashamed about, he wasn’t, he decided to just accept it, he did.  
Then he confessed to Asahi, they started dating and he felt great.

Nishinoya Yuu was bisexual and he was proud of it. If anybody judged him just for liking the same sex, then he didn’t really care about their opinion. Who would value the opinion of somebody who doesn’t care for you personality, or talents, or anything beyond the fact that you weren’t straight?  
That’s right, nobody.  
He was not ashamed of liking boys and he would never be, that‘s what he promised himself.  
Yuu kept that promise, but he also learned that he didn’t have to be ashamed of his sexuality, to be absolutely terrified of admitting it. 

Telling his parents hadn’t been scary.  
He was thirteen when he had started showing interest in girls. That was also when he started showing interest in boys. He never actually crushed on either of them, but he felt attracted to both and he knew that.  
At first he had been confused, he knew there were men who loved other men and women who loved other women and those people were homosexual, or gay.  
He also knew that while many people hated gays-those people were considered homophobic- his parents were very supportive of people who were gay. Some really close friends of his parents where two women in a relationship, they visited often and Yuu really loved them.  
What he didn’t know was that he could be both gay and straight. When he asked his parents for advice they smiled at him and introduced him to the term "bisexual". Everything had suddenly made sense. They also told him that he would have to be careful who to come out to, but he hadn’t worried about that, not yet.

Confessing to Asahi hadn’t been scary either.  
He had never been afraid of Asahi pushing him away for his sexuality. If anybody knew that the gentle giant was way too kind to do anything like that, then it was Yuu. Due to his confession being unplanned and completely random, he hadn’t had the time to become scared of rejection either.  
Looking back, Yuu wouldn’t have done it any other way. Just when the Ace had made another powerful serve and the Libero had perfectly received it. He hadn‘t even meant to say it, but the words just slipped out of his mouth. "That serve was so powerful Asahi-san. You're just so cool! Have I ever told you that I really like you? Like, like I mean… I really, really like like you a lot!" He had no time to be scared, because the next thing he knew was that his crush was standing right in front of him and asking him on a date.  
Good thing that it all had taken place during one of the training camps and they had been the only ones left in the gym.

Yuu shouldn’t be thinking about his bisexual awakening or how he got together with his boyfriend at that moment. Instead he should focus on how to come out to his best friend, he realized that. He just really couldn’t help it and panicked. It had never been this hard. Why was he even scared? The opinion of some homophobic jerk that didn’t care for his awesome personality and mad libero skills didn’t matter to him. Never had, never will.  
Except that it kinda did if that homophobic jerk was Ryu. He didn’t know if his friend would be fine with it, or be disgusted and end their friendship.  
Honestly, he would have preferred knowing if the wing spiker was homophobic and being able to brace himself for what awaited him over this. Over desperately trying to find the right words while not thinking of worst case scenarios and having to distract himself with the times he came out and everything had been fine.  
If Ryu hated him he would care. He had laughed with him, cried with him, studied with him, won and lost with him, played stupid games with him, worshipped Kiyoko-san with him-  
He just meant so much to Yuu.  
It didn’t matter if he was someone whose opinion really didn’t matter, because to Nishinoya Yuu, it did. The very thought of loosing his best friend made him sick and oh god, he was going to throw up right then and there. 

Because yes, while he didn’t want to admit it, he finally came to the realization that: Coming out to Tanaka Ryuunoske, his best friend, his bro, the platonic love of his live- was not just scary, but the single most terrifying experience he has had in his seventeen years of life.  
Oh how he hated admitting that, even in his head.

Yuu was scared. So incredibly scared he wouldn’t have been able to put it into words with his poor vocabulary, but he was also determined. He was determined to come out to his best friend and the last thing he was going to do was backing down.

The two of them were at Tanaka‘s house playing video games. (It had started out as one of their one on one study sessions, why did they even call it that anymore? Without Chikara they always ended up doing anything BUT homework.) They were playing Super Smash Bros when it suddenly hit him, the urge to just say it.  
What was Yuu even thinking? That would be so random and weird and awkward and just everything he didn’t want it to be. Still, he started to think about it and realized that maybe, just maybe this was a good opportunity.  
A relaxed, positive atmosphere, they were the only ones in the house, he had more than one option to dash out of the house and run to his own home if anything went wrong- no, this wasn’t bad timing at all.

So he took a deep breath and paused the game.

"Noya-san that’s cheating! Just because I‘m winni-" Ryuunoske‘s voice suddenly left him when he turned around to meet his best friend’s eyes. The Libero knew what expression he was making, that his brows were furrowed and the glow in his eyes was replaced with a burning intensity and determination, he knew that he was probably scaring the crap out of Ryu, but he was too busy to care.  
His mind was occupied with the art of regretting his choice and then convincing himself to keep going over and over and over again, which lead to an uncomfortable silence between the two males.

Uncomfortable may have been an understatement, absolutely unbearable and painful is more fitting. Yuu just wanted this silence to end, had it ended yet? Oh, he just broke it, he hadn’t even realized when Ryu‘s name slipped out of his mouth, but it had happened. Now said boy was just staring at him, as if he was god himself and had answers to all the questions in the world. He wasn’t god, not a god and not THE god either, he was however Karasuno‘s guardian deity.  
The guardian angel that was just really gay for his Ace.

"I...there’s something I want to tell you.", the guardian Angel said. The way he hesitated and how unusually quiet his voice was bothered both boys in the room. There were a few seconds of silence until Yuu spoke again. "I’m dating someone."  
A clearly audible sigh escaped Ryuunoske‘s Lips. "Man...you scared me, for a second I thought something ba- wait...WHAT? WHY DIDN‘T YOU TELL ME?!" And suddenly he was yelling again. It was fine.  
The boldness, the unbearably high volume and the hint of endearing stupidity were just so Ryu, so familiar that they calmed Yuu down the tiniest bit. 

"Who is she? Do I know her? How long have you been dating? When did you meet? Who confessed? Tell me Noya-san! Tell me!", Ryu‘s voice was loud and demanding and- was he actually pouting?

Talking shouldn’t have felt that hard, after all that’s what he’s been doing non-stop every single day. It still did. "Yeah you know each other. We...we all met each other when you and I were first years and um..." Yuu‘s breath hitched and he felt like he was actually going to throw up now. This had been a bad idea and he wanted to duck out so bad, but it was already too late to do so. So he had to continue hadn’t he? "We started dating just before the spring tournament. I confessed, but that ended up with me getting asked out.", he said and if Ryu had noticed how shaky and insecure his voice had been, then he was kind enough not to comment on it.

There were a few moments of silence before the taller of the two stood up and pat his friend on the back. "That’s great. Really great. I‘m happy for you." And the he was smiling. His smile was bright and so honest, it rivaled Shouyo‘s at this point and Yuu just couldn’t take it anymore.

"Why were you so nervous to tell me tho? I mean, I‘m kinda upset you’re only telling me now, but I totally understand that you wanted privacy and I‘m not mad at all for that." Ryu was such a good person and such a good friend and he deserved to know everything.  
"I‘m glad actually. Now Kiyoko-san is sure to fall for me! Unless...is it Kiyoko-san?! No, no that can’t be right?" Yuu was going to tell him. Even if it would end their friendship, he wanted his best friend to know.

"Of course it’s not Kiyoko-san!" He began and before Karasuno‘s number five could say something like: "I figured. She’s way outa everyone’s league anyways" or "Obviously, you would brag about it." the number four continued. "Actually...it’s not a girl..."  
There it was, he had said it, it was almost over.  
Very soon he would be able to leave this hell of an emotional state and either cry himself to sleep in peace or spend a fun night full of video games. He just had to stay strong for a few more seconds.

And those five to seven seconds were absolutely unbearable.

Ryu‘s expression had turned from confused, to shocked, to something unreadable and the only thing reassuring Yuu was that he couldn’t detect any disgust.  
Then, finally he seemed to make up his mind and speak. "I...don’t mind. That’s okay. I‘m...I‘m still happy for you!" Finally, finally Yuu could let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding and the tears were already spilling, when had been the last time he was this relieved?

Before he knew what was happening, the now crying boy was enveloped in a warm hug. He felt safe, happy and couldn’t stop himself from crying like a baby- for once in his life he didn’t care.  
"I don’t know if that’s a rude or dumb question to ask but...does that mean you’re gay?" Yuu had known that this question would come, but unlike what he had previously imagined it wasn’t hard to answer anymore. Suddenly all his confidence and pride came back to him, mixed with pure power of my-best-friend-accepts-me-joy.  
He could answer.  
He could speak to his best friend again.  
His best friend wasn’t judging him and he had nothing to fear anymore.  
He was happy.  
"I‘m not gay, I still like girls. It’s called bisexual." Silence. Then a wide eyed Ryu looked at him with a weird shine in his eyes- hope- was that a glimmer of hope in his eyes?  
"You can do that? Like both I mean.", he asked and yes- there was definitely a hint of hopefulness in his voice. So Yuu just nodded, confused.

Was he able to bring relief to Ryu? The relief of finally figuring himself out? "So that means it’s normal that I totally have a crush on Ennoshita, but also Kiyoko-san? Does that mean that I am, that I‘m that bisexual thing?" The pure joy and oddly unfamiliar calmness in his voice was answer enough to Yuu‘s question. Another simple nod was all it took to break Ryu.  
"I- that- Just...that‘s great. I was really confused and I didn’t want to talk to anybody about it and- I think that like, it was really starting to bother me, because I thought I’m straight and only supposed to like girls but Ennoshita is so pretty and such a good leader and he makes my heart flutter like Kiyoko-san, but he’s not a girl like Kiyoko-san and I just-"

Both of them were crying now. They were holding each other close and gripped each other’s arms and shirts as if they were never planning to let go. Everything was fine now.

The world was still a horrible place full of racism and homophobia and transphobia and what not, but they had each other.  
Yuu had the one person whose opinion really mattered to him and Ryu finally didn’t feel like everything he felt was wrong anymore.  
Human society was still so very messed up, but in that moment everything was completely fine and they were at peace. Crying tears of both pure joy and pent up frustration, enveloped in each other’s arms.

"Noya-san?"  
"Yeah?"  
"You’re dating Asahi-san."  
"..."  
"Oh come on. Now that I know you’re into guys, it’s obvious you’re in love with him. Do you want me to list of all the signs?"  
"Yeah no you’re right"

**Author's Note:**

> Woah wait this turned out...kinda not as bad as I expected?  
> The whole coming out was weird, I know but I used personal experience as reference.
> 
> I myself am bisexual and out to my mother and my like, the whole school at this point. Every time I came out it was at a completely random moment, I just suddenly had the strong urge to and couldn’t resist it anymore.  
> The first one was my best friend, I did it in the one lesson in which we sit next to each other and it kinda just slipped out. The ones after where for example: the class trip where we were put into pairs to explore and during our walk I just did it, during physics, in the restroom when I was lending something tabs, in the car while we’re talking about Haikyuu!! (That one was my mum and I don’t even know what is wrong with my head at this point) 
> 
> ...so yeah coming out can be carefully planned and stressed over, but it can also be absolutely random and easily scare you so bad that you loose five years of you life every time lol
> 
> Also the whole crying thing.  
> They’re both rather open about their emotions and not afraid to voice them unless they’re scared shitless or about to cry, so I totally headcanon them crying when they’re like super relieved. Even if it’s kind of embarrassing for them, in situations like these, they‘ll cry like little Babies...so yeah
> 
> Edit from the future: Okay so I read through this and I wrote Ryuunosuke wrong every time, I want to correct myself but I don’t have the nerve for that right now so...please nobody comment on it


End file.
